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| This space
will be devoted to bizarre stories, incoherent rants, stupid
inside jokes or any other useless crap the Pariahs see fit to
share with the world. This section of the site will continue
to grow until the band become too senile to pass themselves
off as just being drunk anymore... |
| PARIAHS
SEX TOYS |
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Due
to overwhelming demand, the items described on this page are
not currently available. The Pariahs apologize for any inconvenience.
Check
back soon – we get regular shipments from our factory
in Amsterdam!
At last
- The Pariahs’ own line of high-quality Erotic Aids!
Each of these hand-crafted devices is a meticulous life-size
replica made from a plaster-cast of the individual band “members”
(heh heh). The Pariahs went to a lot of trouble to create
these fine articles for your pleasure – they couldn’t
find any groupies to help them out, so they had to watch re-runs
of Charlie’s Angels to keep up the required level of
excitement while the plaster set.
So if
you’ve always wondered what the Pariahs are packin’
under those guitars, but couldn’t stand the thought of
talking to any of them…
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Model:
“The Mike”
Description: Looks just like a Telefunken U-47.
Note: Now available with the patented "Beergasm" feature.
Stand back - "The Mike" can soak a roomful of people
with its uncontollable spray!
Price: $49.99 or a complete transcript of the lyrics to any
Pariahs song |
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Model:
“Full Bonz-On”
Description: Switch on this battery-operated model and feel
it jerk spastically back and forth just like... well... just
like Bonz, I guess.
Note: Bonz personally designed the electrical circuitry in the
“Full Bonz-On” model using parts from an old television
set he found by the curb. He fully guarantees its safety, but
does recommend that it only be used while lying on a rubber
sheet.
Price: $49.99 or a bottle of Triple X sherry. |
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Model:
“The Loafamatic”
Description: Why did you think they call him Loaf?
Note: The test version of “The Loafamatic” was electrically
powered, but it kept running out of energy halfway through.
You’ll have to do all the work.
Price: $49.99
Or
$59.99 for full “Loaf Love Kit” including one (1)
“Loafamatic” and one (1) mood-setting 90-minute tape
of Loaf discussing infantry tactics during the Crimean War.
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Model:
“Johnny Get Your Gun”
Description: This solar-powered model needs to recharge
during the hours of daylight – it will never function before
6:00 p.m. “Johnny Get Your Gun” is a variable-speed
unit with 3 stimulating settings: "Alice in Chains,"
"AC/DC" and "Mötorhead."
Note: When ordering please specify your preferred colour:
a) Pallid
b) Jaundiced
c) Crapulent
Price: $49.99 or a nude photograph of The Donnas. |
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