Bonz on Fire
Once on a late-night drive coming home from a gig, Bonz decided to use up the rest of the Wake-Up pills he had bought to keep him alert for the show. He reasoned that he could get a more powerful recreational stimulus from the pills if were to take them nasally rather than orally. He took his snare-drum, put it on his lap as a temporary coffee-table and proceeded to grind the pills into powder, using his cigarette-lighter for illumination.
Unfortunately, Bonz got a little too involved in his work and accidentally touched his (very long) hair to the flame from his lighter.

POOF!

There was a sudden flash of light in the van, and the unmistakable odour of burning human hair replaced the existing smell of a van-load of sweaty Pariahs. (Hard to say which is worse…)
Bonz succeeded in beating out the conflagration amidst much hilarity from the band. His only injury was a large chunk of missing hair… We rolled down the windows to clear out the smell, and Bonz bravely went back to work preparing his Wake-Ups.
All was peaceful for approximately 45 seconds…

POOF!

There was a sudden flash of light etc. etc, and the unmistakable odour of burning human hair etc. etc. etc.
Bonz succeeded in beating out the conflagration etc. etc…
Moral of the Story: Don’t let a drummer go near an open flame – he won’t learn from the experience…

Safety Bonz
Bonz had a birthday party at his place a few years back, and somebody made the mistake of giving him a new bicycle helmet as a gift. Naturally, Bonz was not interested in trusting his life to some new-fangled gadget just because it had a fancy label on it saying it would work!
Bonz decided to conduct a crash-test right there and then… He strapped on the helmet, mounted his bike (Bonz lives in a converted warehouse with more floor-space than is good for him) and rode at top speed straight into the nearest wall.
I guess the helmet worked, because later that evening Bonz was seen hanging from the hot-water pipes on the 12-foot high ceiling… Or maybe it didn’t work?

Is it Day or Is it Night?
Bonz once walked up to Mike in a considerable state of agitation while they were at the Horseshoe together and said “Mike – Is it day or is it night?!” Trying to tell day from night is just the sort of difficulty many people face living in our ever-more-complex modern world.
On one occasion this particular issue caused the Pariahs to miss a rehearsal. Bonz had been at a social gathering at Loaf’s place the night before, but rather than going home and going to bed he stayed up all night as well as the following day and continued to – as the kids say nowadays - “party.”
About five o' clock the next evening, a rather bleary Loaf received a call from John, and they had the following conversation:

John: “Ummm… Loaf… I think we’re going to have to blow out our six o’clock rehearsal.”
Loaf: “Why?”
John: “Bonz is over here, and he’s under the couch.”
Loaf: “Wait a minute – your couch has no “under” – it sits right on the floor.”
John: “Let me rephrase that… the couch is on Bonz. Oh – and he’s not wearing pants.”
Loaf headed over to John’s place to check things out for himself. The following scene ensued:
Bonz: “What the hell are you doing, Loaf?”
Loaf: “I’m calling the guy who runs the rehearsal studio to tell him we’re canceling.”
Bonz: “Whathafuck for?”
Loaf: “Because you’re too wasted to play.”
Bonz: “Fuck off – I’ll be fine by the time we start.”
Loaf: “Bonz, the rehearsal’s at SIX.”
Bonz: “I know that! I’ll be fine!”
(Loaf dials phone)
Bonz: “He’s not going to answer now, for Christ’s sake!”
Loaf: “Why not?”
Bonz: “Because it’s 5:30 in the goddamn morning!”
Loaf: “Bonz – it’s 5:30 at night!”
Bonz: “WHAT!!???”

Bonz the Actor
Once upon a time some Ryerson students thought it would be a good idea to make a video featuring the Pariahs. They asked the band to show up very early one sunny winter morning for an outdoor shoot.
Bonz brought a bottle of his favourite beverage, “Triple X” sherry (the kind that comes in a plastic bottle in case you fall down). He proceeded to polish off the “XXX” during the inevitable standing around that accompanies any film shoot.
Whilst waiting Bonz noticed an old rotting leather work boot lying in a snowbank. Rather than see it go to waste, he picked it up and tied the end of one of the laces around his ankle so that the boot flopped around and smacked him in the legs while he walked. He wore the boot during several sequences where the band were asked by the director to walk in a group down the street (just like in the “Eye of the Tiger” video!) The boot swung around Bonz’s legs, bashing everybody in the ankles and making the other guys trip. I’m not sure if this is exactly the effect they were going for in that scene…
Next came a sequence where Mike was supposed to walk down the street by himself behind a car that was being used as a dolly, with the cameraman riding in the trunk. By this time Bonz had stripped to the waist due to the fact that the temperature had risen to a sultry 3 degrees Celsius.
Bonz became bored by the repeated takes of Mike walking and decided to insert his own personal touch into the scene. Much to the confusion of passing motorists, Bonz ran up behind Mike with his pants around his knees (and flapping in the breeze) and raced towards the car’s trunk with its crotch-level camera… Mr. Bonz, it’s time for your close-up!*

No Ryerson student has ever approached The Pariahs about making another video…

*The “Director’s Cut” of the video features a slo-mo edit of this event set to music… A classic!